Children & young people

Elliot’s Brother and Sister, Oliver and Emily, have shared their advice for dealing with losing somebody close.

Oliver

I found listening to music really helped, I really like Eminem, it helps me when I am feeling angry because the music helps me get my anger out rather than doing something physical.  What is also really important is to stay you, keeping doing things you really like as it helps you for things to feel normal.  I still play sports and spend time with friends and this helps to distract me especially if I am having a bad day.  It is OK to feel sad and upset and you should let people know if you need help.  Don't keep it inside.  It helps being able to talk about things when you want to, but doing it in your time not talking when someone else says you should.  This is where school have helped me; I know people are there if I need to talk.

I think parents can help by still doing things that we enjoy, even if they don't want to.  My mum and dad have taken me to wrestling even though they didn't want to but they knew it was important for me to still do things I liked so they knew it would help.  Mum's and dad's need to be honest with how they are feeling and let us know as children's it is OK for us to comfort them as well.

A poem by Elliot’s brother Oliver, aged 12  

Elliot with his Sister, Emily, and brother, Oliver
EJ you were unstoppable,
To me RIP means 'return if possible',
We know we have to let you go,
How we carry on we do not know.


I hate it that it was your time to die,
And I hate it that I have to say goodbye.
I'll miss you so much I don't know what to do.
I'll just end with this goodbye
And I love you.

Emily

Keep doing the things you have always loved to do; I love art, so drawing pictures of Elliot really helped.  Listening to music also helped because you can find words in songs that understand how you are feeling at that moment.  It is OK to keep doing what you love.  I found spending time with friends really helped me because it helped to distract me.  I'm happy for my friends to talk about Elliot but only when they want to, people shouldn't feel they have to.  One thing that really helped was people treating me the same as they had always done, keeping things normal is really important. 

Parents can help their children by keeping doing things together as a family, creating new memories is OK, I will always love and miss Elliot and he is always in my heart but I also know that it is OK to carry on with life. 

A poem by Elliot’s sister Emily, aged 14

Our eyes are like a camera,
Taking snapshots along the way,
And storing it on a tape,
To be played again and again.


These are stored in a special place,
And where our loved ones will always stay,
These are called memories that we all take away.